He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He keeps bees of course he's weird
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize