she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
