so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
