You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you guys were way drunker than both of me
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
