Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
