I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
