I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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