I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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