So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
please come you make the beer taste better
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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