I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
