1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he just fucked me for my cheese..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
