ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
