I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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