Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
