My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
