forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
