I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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