in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
