The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
