am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
