and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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