wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
