The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The air was thick with penises
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
