Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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