Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
