I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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