He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Bring me that man meat
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
