Is it because I queefed?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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