my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
