So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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