the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
