I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
