i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We have started to decorate penises.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
