I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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