Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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