John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
