i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
