You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize