its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
