so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
