I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
