it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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