I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
