Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
