the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
