Tell her she can't have a vagina
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
