i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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