I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
