I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
