Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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