i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
