It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
