I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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