what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
