i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
