yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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