so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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