remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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