i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
