last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize