Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
