Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
