it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
