Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
