hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
