5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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