yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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