I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
