If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize