so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
