I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
