whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
