Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
