My nipple is on Facebook.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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