I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
