4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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