her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize