Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
