We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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