but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
