You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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