It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
