1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
