Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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