Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
