Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
