when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
