marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
