shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Quick, to the slutcave!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
