remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize