Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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