how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
