I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i dont even know how to be here
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
