Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
