Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize