bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
