I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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