I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i already hear my dad disowning me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
