I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
