Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
