Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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