Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
